To some my ignorance must be shining as brightly as a new coin, the thought of Baker Day leaving many parents grimacing at yet another errand to add to their already full lists of things to do - then there's me. Newbie mom.
Pinterest, my friend...
Baker day is Friday. That's two sleeps away & I'm relatively calm, excited actually. Daddy wants to purchase goods from the local store, but that's cheating and you know it. I've decided to keep it simple, I'll try my hand at muffins - just add water and an egg, right? Wrong.
Muffin fail just happened, did I mention I don't bake? "Too doughy", they said "Too cheesy" says the youngest. FML! Perhaps now's a good time to tell you that my mother never let us bake with her growing up, we were always expected to stay out the kitchen. I get it now in retrospect, kids slow down the process, it wasn't like she was trying to be mean but mom you could have given me some kitchen basics....yikes! I knew I should have taken Home Economics over Art in High School, too late now!
So, doughy, cheesy muffin fail behind me, I turn to Pinterest, you know, as one does for some inspiration. Immediately I'm convinced that 3 marshmallows on a skewer would be easiest. I'll pop through to the store tomorrow, purchase said marshmallows and maybe melt some choc over the first few for effect. What turned out to be a simple browse through Pinterest, turned into me getting to bed at 2 a.m considering Krispie treats, donuts, smores, OMG where do I begin? This - is - awesome!
It got better when I got to the store
If you had seen me walk into that store, you would have sworn I had just won the lotto. Chest puffed out, I'm in the Baker circle baby! I'm doing the mom thing, whoop! I've arrived and I'm ready to rock this, nodding my head in slow motion, smug look on my face as I knowingly wink at the mom's entering the store.
First aisle and I see the marshmallows, dammit, that wasn't supposed to happen for another 3 to 5 aisles. Oh well.
I stand staring at the Marshmallow packet and I envision the perfection that is my completely unique, never been done before, type A designed marshmallows on a stick. I play the process through my mind, a woman next to me nudging me to the left of the shelf while I'm engrossed in the images passing through my mind.
It looks like this: I purchase marshmallows, I put them on sticks, I send to school, small children eat them - in a hurry. OMG, it's stuck! I envision an episode of 1000 ways to die, the episode when a teenager chokes on a wad of marshmallows during a pajama party. "Chubby bunny" she joked and then they all melted in her mouth and lodged down her throat to her demise. I'm a murderer! Scrap that...what else was on Pinterest?
I wish I could have seen my own face, by now the lady next to me has walked away and I'm playing hot potato with the packet of mallows in and out my trolley as I reason my way through the preparation of a perfectly innocent snack with a bad rep. I put the mallows back, I can't do this, maybe I should just stick to small bags of meringues. How the hell do you make meringues? My hand darting into my bag (again) for a Pinterest recipe. Geez I suck at this.
"In and out, it will only take a couple minutes"
So 45 minutes later I'm still standing in the confectionery section of the store. People are starting to stare at me. I've put in, put back and swapped out plastic piping, 4 different food colourants, some fondant, those little Hundred's and Thousand rainbow balls and a pack of skewers.
I left that store with more junk food for my trip home, than I did for the actual purpose of my visit. Typical isn't it. I was so excited to get home, I'm gonna nail this, I'll be the Baker Queen of the Universe and they will love me FOREVER, or so I thought. In my efforts of keeping it simple, I decided to scrap the 'dangerous' marshmallows and opted for caramel choc popcorn.
Trial and error biatches
Cover large tray with foil, check. Pop the corn, check. Transfer hot popcorn to large tray to cool, check. Melt caramel choc, check (I've seen this on Jamie Oliver or something, you can't just chuck it in the microwave - ha, ha! You thought you got me didn't you! I melted it in a pot of hot water in a glass bowl - boom! Whose a kitchen genius NOW!)
Drizzled caramel choc, I'm loving this - Baker Day rocks!
Caramel choc depleted, repeat process and use Salt n Vinegar seasoning in second batch. Boom, versatile!
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| I love popcorn |
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| Large tray to cool |
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| Caramel Choc |
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| Hmmm! |
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| The end result |
14 packs of personally, hand wrapped caramel popcorn followed by 19 packs of Salt n Vinegar later (I got so excited that I didn't calculate this process, which is so typical of me and the exact reason to my muffin fail)
Kids got home, eldest said thanks and now they're in bed. All of that and I'm super proud of myself with nothing more to show for it other than 33 mini bags of popcorn which will all be a distant memory by 11 a.m tomorrow. I just hope they think he's awesome because of my efforts, please God let this go down well. *Imagines kids saying "Wow, your mom makes the BEST popcorn ever!" Sigh.
I think I'm ready to pop into the store for a convenient alternative for next months Baker Day, maybe daddy has a point here. Perhaps I will, but maybe not before I try those killer 'mallows first :P
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