We just killed the stork

If there's one thing I'm not shy about, it's discussing the human body - the good, bad and ugly. In fact, it is a career option that I've had since a child, but I can't divulge too much about myself so just believe me when I say I can do human anatomy - like a boss. 

Today, we've agreed to tell our kids about the birds and the bee's. Yes, these two little treasures are about to hear about the facts of life and for the first time in my life I'm sitting at the dining table giggling like a school girl. 

I can't do this - not with a straight face!

"Of all the things I need you to do," dad says, "I need you to have a straight face." 

I have to sit, and look these two in the eyes and calmly explain how the male anatomy finds its way into the female anatomy and a baby is made. Factual, no nonsense information. We just killed the stork. 

Like ripping off a plaster

It wasn't as bad as I thought it may be, although there were two points that stood out which I'll elaborate on shortly. Dad did a great job, he's so good at this kind of thing, perhaps I'm so lame because they are little men?

I sit upright beside him, 'just relax', I keep reminding myself and I nod sweetly in their direction. 

Wrapping things up, excuse the pun, we cover disease, pregnancy, and the fact that the good old stork is but a myth. We cover animals mating habits, restrictions and privacy, masturbation and self love (the worth kind). 

Before we know it, it's all over and as we end the conversation we revise what we've discussed. "So," dad says, "we respect our bodies and we only have sex when we are adults and we love one another. Are there any questions?"

Eldest looks sincerely at his father and says, "So dad, we can't have sex with our cousins?" I hold back the impending burst of laughter by biting down on my bottom lip. "NO! Especially not your cousins!!!", dad exclaims, "Only adults, can put their privates together, adults that love each other." 

The little one sits across from me, repeating what dad has just said. He lifts each index finger and points one of each at us and brings them slowly together. "Daddy and aunty X, to-ge-th-errrrrrr" he says and places them side by side.

Game, set, match - and I'm finished !!