Pretty sure I didn't sign up for this, did I?

I'm not a stepmother, I'm a step in mother. 
I'm a a woman that has taken on a role, which in my circumstance, is the easiest and most difficult role to fill. Let me elaborate.

It's easy to step in and step up in my case. I've got two little people that I care about. I'm concerned for their welfare and well being. I give hugs, help tie laces and while I "don't cook like mom does", I care. I care enough to steam those veggies because I want the best for you - that's why it doesn't taste like mom's cooking. The bloody veggies are steamed and I don't sprinkle 7kgs of sugar on them. Perhaps I should be more flexible. 

In contrast, their womb bearer (as I call her) drank throughout her pregnancies and has a history of drug and alcohol addiction which makes it easy for me to step in. The kicker is the latter part of my circumstance. No matter how dire the situation, I'll never be their mother (nor do I wish to) and children love their parents regardless of their flaws.  Here I am stuck between copious amounts of love and the red stuff with DNA that connects them to their mommy. 

Let me give you the short version of my life. 7 months ago I readily accepted a proposal to date a man with children. "I like kids", I thought. "I enjoy children (on toast)", I joked. 

I had my own reasons and rationale for taking on this role, journey, feat of all feats! What I didn't have though, was the resources to guide me through the many emotions, circumstances and thoughts that I would endure and try process alone in my efforts of being a stellar step parent. 

Yes, I've got friends to listen. Yes, I've got family to support. But no one prepares you for this stuff. There is no manual for the first time, never had kids, career woman whose trying to find her place in this world.  Go online and there are very few blogs about this kind of step parenting which is the exact reason I've started this blog. 

Help is at hand.

So here I am, for those considering dating a man/woman with children. For those, like myself, without children of their own. For those searching for a place to bleat and bitch, I'm here.

7 months into this, I'm happy to report that there are perks, benefits and even moments of reward. For the most part though, this mission is pretty much a hard slog (which I believe is the case for biological mothers too) with less glamour than a tossed out pair of soiled sneakers. 

I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for this, did I? 
Oh yes, that's right - I did! Willingly no less and with the gusto of a rookie soldier on the brink of war. 

Walk with me.

Jokes aside, it's not all bad. But, if I had known then what I know now, I may be a little less jaded and a little more prepared. It's hard raising a family, it's even harder when they aren't yours. These little people, albeit innocent, came into my life as a reminder of a failed relationship. Bitterness and resentment follow not just their parents, but me too. This wasn't the picket fence I had planned for my life, love is blind. Love too, makes sacrifice and this is my contribution. 

This vivacious vixen has swapped her stiletto's and red lipstick for a life as a Prima donna mama. It's more than a status, it's a responsibility. 7 months ago I thought I was playing a part, 7 months forward I realise I'm more than that. I'm their step mother, more than 'daddy's friend', more than "the horrible woman that took your dad away from you." I'm the woman that listens when no one else will. I'm the mediator of fair play and the custodian of secrets and inside jokes. I'm the crazy aunty that they get to jump on and giggle with when everyone else says "no" - not because I'm a pushover but because it's genuinely fun for me too. I'm not the victim here, I'm the heroine of this story and I'm here to slay some dragons. 

I'll share all my demons and fears, all my challenges and triumphs. The greatest reward is the contribution we make to their lives, without even trying. It is the love we give and receive 100 fold that make all of this worthwhile!