Nothing changes if nothing changes

Today I went to the school to talk to the teacher about our little boy - he's 7 and he's not coping. It's not that he's intellectually behind, he's just not getting any of it because of his concentration issues. 

Today when I left the school I sobbed, I had been holding back tears throughout our talk with the teacher. I'm tired. I can't believe I've chosen love and in choosing love I've chosen a very hard road. I'm angry with myself. 

Last night we went to a life coach therapist to chat about some helpful tools regarding raising these two boys, my heart is sore. If only they knew how much I care. I don't want recognition, I just want them to be whole.

I guess nothing changes if nothing changes. Finances have been our reason for not seeking professional help until now, but in life we always make a plan and make things work so I've taken the plunge and taken action. 

I've just scheduled the first parents intake meeting with a family counsellor. Hubby and I will go through to chat about what to expect in play therapy for our eldest, whereas the youngest may need a psychologist to assist further due to what he's been exposed re his mother. Today I learned his mother was using Cocaine in the first trimester of both pregnancies, and with that alcohol throughout. That's why I cried, I cry tears for these children who are so messed up because of her choices. 

If you're stuck, do what you can with what you have but take action - No matter how small the steps!

Empower yourself, your family and your partner and build up the support that you need by helping yourself. 

Take no action - get more results

So recently I found myself (yet again) in a very dark and sad place, pondering the how's and why's about my life and my circumstances. Things with the kids still suck - I've disconnected and I can't get back to loving them like I did. 

In case you didn't realise it, I toy between embracing my step-mommyhood and despising it to the point of no return. Here I am with my latest gem - "Take no action - get more answers". 


On my personal blog (that I sadly can't share with you for anonymity reasons) I wrote about a lady I recently discovered in the field of guidance and wisdom through spiritual awareness. If you're into this kind of energy aware, New Age thinking you'll enjoy Jocelyn Daher. She's a young mother, writer, Herbalist, Astrologer (and so much more) and she just emulates positivity and is a wellspring of enlightenment for conscious living.

In my blog I wrote about how Jocelyn had recently quoted Lao Tzu who said:

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

It's a quote I've heard many time's before, but it's it funny how you can hear the same thing over and over again and one day it just makes sense!

While I've been mulling over my resentments, my concerns for my future and my worry about how my life is going to turn out (and while all valid concerns, obsessing about them won't guarantee their success or failure) I realised that I've been spending my time sending energy to worse case scenario's that haven't even transpired. 
So, I decided to be more present and in doing nothing and living in the present moment, one moment at a time, I allow myself to open myself up to more answers - because I'm open to listening when I'm not depressed or anxious. 

The next time you're wondering how or when your situation is going to improve, be it work or personal, remember that in the stillness of simply being, we clear and mute the rumblings in our busy minds and bring ourselves back to our true, authentic state of existence.

It is in these moments that all is right with the world, because everything is already okay.